Outside of my ...Bubble.

Were in Easter break now, we got out Thursday and wow, that day was the roughest day I've had yet. Spiritually, emotionally, just plain rough. I called my mom , in tears, before the day was over asking her to come get me because I was so confused and ashamed that I was broken inside, so easily. I felt like a failure. I had 3 conversations come up from 3 different religious backgrounds, all going against Christianity.

First, it was my history teacher who is …well I really don’t know. She is American, but HATES America, and she never really teaches us History, we usually end up talking about homosexuality, global warming, or how she hates Christianity. She goes to an Anglican church, but only because she 'likes the ritual thing and the smell of the incense . She says she believes in God but "not the whole Jesus thing". She basically was going on about how the Bible isn't accurate because the Catholic church picked and chose what should be in it many years ago, so of course nothing contradicts itself, everything that did they took out. She said," If there is a loving God, why would he make it so there is only one way to heaven , through Jesus. What about all the "good" people in the world. I sure don't want to believe in a God that condemns people to hell just because they were brought up in a different religion. What's the point?"

SECOND: After what happened in history class,Lizette and myself went to tutor period, enxious to be able to tell our tutor what happened and thinking that she also believed the same as us, she would be able to encourage us. Lizette and I were especially hurt/shocked by what happened here, because we thought she believed the same as us. Turned out, we were very wrong.

After we told her what our history teaches was saying, she asked us," Why are you getting so upset? You know what you believe , so don't worry about it"

SO then we said , " But it's hard not to worry about it because we don't want people to not go to heaven, isn't it our jobs , as Christians to witness?"

Then she said, "How can we judge where someone is going? That is Gods decision and I think He will decide justly."

I agree with that completely, and we weren't judging, we just assumed that since our history teacher does not believe in Jesus as her Lord and Saviour and doesn't the Bible say that "Jesus is the way, the truth , and the life, no one comes to the Father except through Him.", that right now, if that is what she truly believes, well.....you know.

So then our tutor ( she is Catholic) told us that she believes that there is no hell, hell in the bible represents earth and what we have to go through, so we all will end up in heaven one day no matter what religion you come from because when we see God face to face we will be able to ask for forgiveness and go into heaven. SO basically she said that, they in their Catholic faith, believe that God is loving and therefore would not condemn anyone to hell just because they didn't follow Jesus or accept Him as the only way. I was so sad, because I thought that she was a Christian. I know not all Catholics believe that because Lizette is Catholic and she is one of the most radical Christians I know who definitely knows Jesus is the only way. My heart felt like it dropped after hearing this, I called my mom and could not stop crying. Lizette remained strong, as usual, to encourage me and remind me of how much Jesus loves me. I love her.

AND THEN...to top off my wonderful day,one of my Hindu friends was telling us how she is alive to seek forgiveness for the sins of her past life and there is no real heaven or hell. Hell is here on earth. She was wearing this red necklace and said her grandma did a ritual and prayed over the necklace so that she won't receive anymore "evil stares from people at school". And she has a god for everything. etc. My friend Ziyanda was trying to ask questions that would make her think and open a door to be able to witness to her. She kept asking me to help, but I just felt like crying. I felt so horrible that I could say nothing and here Ziyanda was trying so hard and becoming more and more discouraged, I just felt like giving up right then and there.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my little bubble in Hosanna, where I never was challenged for my beliefs and I never had to worry about whether my friends were saved or not because they had the chance every Wednesday in chapel. I know God has a plan for me here at Waterford, but what if I’m not helping? I feel like I’m not doing anything to help God’s kingdom , but at the same time, I’m slipping farther an farther into doubt. Its sad how people change what the Bible says to fit there own agenda. Like ….”why should God only accept you into heaven if you have a relationship with Jesus, lets make it so that if you’re a “good person” you get in.” Isn’t that like idolatry, creating your own God. ??

And it seems that they are happy with what they believe, so how can I help. I can show love, but so can they. Nothing I say will change their minds. My mom told me “ You are not superwoman, you can’t change the world by yourself.” I know that. I know that I need to just trust God and pray, but I just don’t want my friends to go to Hell. I want everyone to be in heaven with us. Someone asked me, “why do you even care so much?? If you know where you’re going , why worry about where everyone else is going?” For some reason, I just cannot think like that. It sure would be easier, but it doesn’t seem right. What do you do in a place where Christians are a joke and considered intolerant? I guess that's the world though. All we can do is pray that God would use us to change one person at at a time to bring glory to His name. I'm not even worthy enough to be in this position, but Jesus loves me and wants to use me. I just pray that I don't let Him down. I don't want to doubt like Thomas, I want to be so sure of my faith that NOTHING in the world could make me doubt.

I love rainbows, like Mrs. Susan, I absolutely love them. The past three days there have been such beautiful rainbows over Mbabane. I almost cried when I saw one on Thursday (but didn't have anymore tears left), God is so amazing. His love overwhelms me. I don't know why I ever doubt, when I feel His love so strongly in my life. He is continuously reminding me that He will never leave me, His promise remains true, I will never walk alone. Even at Waterford, even in this world. HE WILL NEVER LET YOU WALK ALONE! NEVER.

Don't you wish you knew all the answers to questions that non believers ask you? I know I do. But I don't and even though I can study and learn apologetics, I will NEVER have all the answers. This battle is one walked by faith. God, help me not to be like Thomas, but to have faith in every circumstance. John 20:26 - "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
Give me the words to say, and quiet my spirit when I feel like exploding (e.g crying ). Direct my every conversation and my whole being. I am fully yours.

Ephesians 6: 10-20. My prayer.
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.