My desire......South America

You know how when you have your mind so set on something....its all you can think about.....but in the midst of the worrying "how am I going to be able to do this?" "how do I get there" "what if...", God keeps hinting at something else so totally different to what you think you want to and should be doing and then you ask yourself "have i just been wasting my time making my own plans when in the end it is God who directs my paths?" Well if not, it's okay....just wanted to put it as a rhetorical question because my English teacher says that it grabs the audiences attention. And you are the audience........is your attention grabbed?? lol.
Well that is exactly what has been going on with me lately. I thought I knew what I want to do and I can't really say it on my blog because in the odd chance that I really do end up doing it, everyone would know and then I'd have to kill ya! ;) Just kidding.
All my life God has been telling me that I'm supposed to be in Missions work and I thought well...now we're in Africa, being missionaries.....is this what He was talking about? Maybe now that I'm here, I'm doing what He's called me to do and then after school I can do what I want. Now that I go to a really good school, where doors and possibilities have been opened and maybe will be opened where before I would have never had them. e.g....getting a scholarship to a prestigious university after schooling here. These are thoughts that have been running through my head and honestly I have been so stressed lately because I know what I want to do, but I've been telling myself that I don't know what God wants me to do. But all along, He has been hinting it....missions, missions, missions.
I personally don't see myself in Africa in the future, after school, though if God specifically tells me to be here I will. The place that has always been on my heart is South America, maybe even Mexico. Every time I talk about it I get this feeling in my heart, I can't explain it, it's like a yearning, a desire to be there. Before we came to Africa, my dad had always wanted to go to South America for missions work, but God led him and our family to a totally different place, somewhere we never once imagined we'd be and I know His purposes for my parents, maybe even us, are at work every day here.
With the thing that I want to do , there is no yearning, I want to do it because it sounds exciting and I'd get to travel a lot and learn other cultures and ways of life, but with missions work, being an Ambassador for Christ, I would get all the excitement, though I know from experience, it isn't always fun or easy, plus the travel, plus learning other ways of life, while also taking part in the advancement of God's kingdom. That is the most important thing that could ever be done.
My mind is set on doing something....but my heart is yearning to be in South America. The Holy Spirit has confirmed this to me in so many ways.....through other people, through my journal entries that I have recently looked over from 3 years ago......and simply through the fact that I want to walk in His perfect will for my life. I feel Him pulling me one way, and yet I still try to pull another and I don't even know why. Maybe I'm stubborn, maybe afraid, maybe confused. I just pray that each day I become closer to Him and I pray that He will open doors where they need to be opened in order for His purposes to be put to work in my life. I don't want to do something without Him in the centre. I want to be where He wants me and though I do not know exactly where it is, He will show me in His timing.
Please pray for me. God has already opened doors for me to be able to go to South America on a missions trip, we know some really cool missionaries there. I need to raise support to be able to do it though. Please ask the Lord if He would use you to help support me.
God bless!!